The Unofficial "Thank You, Dumbass" Thread - Ex-500.com - The home of the Kawasaki EX500 / Ninja 500R
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post #1 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 5:14 PM Thread Starter
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The Unofficial "Thank You, Dumbass" Thread

Just what it says. A place to post your near misses and "oh shit" moments, not caused by you.

I'll start by thanking DOG WALKER MAN. I applaud your inability to hold on to your shiny black lab in an open field. It was good for my cardiovascular system when the dog went loping across my path, causing me to test my brakes at 65mph. At least now I know that, in a true panic situation, my body and mind default to the front brake. I hope you heard my loud cry of FUCKHEAD as I drove by, and did not misinterpret my "wave" as a friendly one.
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post #2 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 6:01 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

LOL! You had a near miss with a black Lab too? I almost nailed one (he was very un-neutered by the way) as he sashayed in front of me one day during the summer. I also had the pleasure of testing out the brakes in a panic fashion. The dog's person was nowhere to be seen, btw. I couldn't offer a wave. I feel ripped off.
post #3 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 6:38 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by xDaveManx
and did not misinterpret my "wave" as a friendly one.
this is the wave you should have given



it will not be misinterpreted :P
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post #4 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 6:49 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Oh, I ALMOST FORGOT:

Thank you, OLD CODGER DRIVER, for pulling out in front of me at a snail's pace, on a hill, in a curve, after making direct eye contact with me. I thoroughly enjoyed following your multicolored 1970something Chevrofuck piece of shit truck the rest of the way home, inhaling your blue smoke and fumes, and watching you run off the road 4 times. If it had not been for my good friend DOG WALKER GUY putting me on edge, we may have made an ugly scene.
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post #5 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-22-2009, 11:15 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

I would like to thank the lady I met on my way home from work yesterday. It was on a crappy back road, with a lovely drop off just beside the shoulder. She was on my side of the road as I came out of a turn onto a straightaway. She was about 200 ft away coming toward me, and just stared at me the entire time and she was heading straight at me, but hey, at least she did move over and leave me about the right 2 ft of road at the last second, what more should a guy ask for?
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post #6 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-23-2009, 6:56 AM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Well, there was the large, dead raccoon I jumped at 60mph in the dark. Not it's fault though, lol!

I'd also like to thank Walmart lady for nearly driving into me from the side.

Let's not forget semi driver that nearly hit me from behind at a stop sign when I had no where to go to get out of his way.

And last but not least, all the people around here who run stop signs assuming no one could be coming since it's the country.
post #7 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-23-2009, 7:32 AM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Thank you to the asshat that decided they wanted to drive around me then promptly slam on their brakes when they realized that the reason I was stopped in the middle of the lane was to let the huge ass bus pull out.
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post #8 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-23-2009, 10:37 AM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

For the record, as I'm reading these I'm hearing the background music from that old Bud radio campaign "Real American Hero's" It's only making it that much more appropriate.

2001 Purple/Grey 500r<br />\"We make history of our own\"
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post #9 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-23-2009, 10:43 AM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

I would like to thank the dumba$$ that kept honking at me at the stop light 2 seconds after it turned green, it was nice that you waited until the split second that the car in front of me let off his brakes to go thru the light. I hope you enjoyed doing 5 mph under the limit for the next 2 miles and waiting as i let each and every car at the cross streets make their turn, even if I had to stop for several seconds and continuously wave them by as you were honking. I trust you learned your lesson of patience. (this was in my car)

I would also like to thank the asshat that wanted to make a left turn from the opposite direction. It was very kind of you to let me get almost next to you before attempting to make the turn. It was also courteous of you to stop 2 feet short of hitting me, my girlfriend and I both appreciate that very much.
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post #10 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-23-2009, 10:58 AM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

^
(I think I'ma put like 6 headlights on the bandit so people see me coming....)

Thankyou dumbass.... for putting my oil plug into my car without the gasket and proceeding to crank the fucker down and damage my oil pan. (this was a while ago.)

[quote author=stormcat link=topic=30748.msg458934#msg458934 date=1301845827]<br />Hmmm... I have large breasts and I've been looking for a guy that knows 15 guitar chords. What's this guy's number?&nbsp;
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post #11 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-23-2009, 9:50 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

I almost broke my bottle of mead in the trunk when the A-Hole in front of me full on panic braked because there was someone on the shoulder. F'ing Idiota!!!!
post #12 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-23-2009, 10:19 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

I'd like to thank the dumbass fruit fly that CRASH LANDED INTO MY WINE! Learn to fucking fly asshat. Oh your dead so I guess you wont.

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post #13 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-23-2009, 11:23 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Thank you Mr JAY-WALKING-ON-A-POORLY-LIT-STREET-IN-A-BLACK-JACKET for turning around and walking BACK into the street in front of me to pick up the slip of paper you dropped. I'm glad to see you are teaching your kids how to safely play in traffic.

Quote:
I would like to thank the dumba$$ that kept honking at me at the stop light 2 seconds after it turned green, it was nice that you waited until the split second that the car in front of me let off his brakes to go thru the light.
Maybe he was blowing his horn at the person in front of you(??)

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post #14 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 6:50 AM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

I'd like to add a thank you to the a$$hat that sat behind me laying on his horn while I was waiting for traffic to go by so I could make a left hand turn.
post #15 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 12:54 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by in4mation
I'd like to thank the dumba$$ fruit fly that CRASH LANDED INTO MY WINE! Learn to [email protected]!#ing fly asshat. Oh your dead so I guess you wont.
This confused the helll out of me because I read it wrong, twice.

First I saw: thank the dumba$$ that crash landed into my wife!

Then when I did a double take, I saw: thank teh dumba$$ that crash landed into my wine

and that confused me even more... man I hate when people use my vineyard as a landing strip

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post #16 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 6:39 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by hzryr61
Thank you Mr JAY-WALKING-ON-A-POORLY-LIT-STREET-IN-A-BLACK-JACKET for turning around and walking BACK into the street in front of me to pick up the slip of paper you dropped. I'm glad to see you are teaching your kids how to safely play in traffic.

Quote:
I would like to thank the dumba$$ that kept honking at me at the stop light 2 seconds after it turned green, it was nice that you waited until the split second that the car in front of me let off his brakes to go thru the light.
Maybe he was blowing his horn at the person in front of you(??)

nope, just being an asshat, i was the tird car in line, the first person was just entering the intersection, the person in front of me had just let off thier brake, and I was in the middle of putting it in gear (manual car)
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post #17 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 6:48 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

I'd like to thank all of you, dumbass cheerleaders, who were apparently trying to outdo each other laughing at your stupid juvenile "jokes" that consisted of making fun of less popular kids in Zaxby's today. I'd also like to thank your dumbass coach and the several parents that failed to stop your shrill, ear piercing outbursts. It taught my 11 month old child a good lesson in reaction to loud noises, and reassured me that his crying "fight or flight" response is healthy. I would like to offer props to my wife, who stood up, called them down, and told them to "tone it down a notch, because you're scaring my baby."

The looks on all your stunned faces, including the adults, was priceless. Thank you for leaving, posthaste, and shooting us go to hell looks as you passed. You shouldn't have left so, soon. You missed a couple of other patrons clapping.
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post #18 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 6:55 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Ahhh so THAT'S what happened. Good stuff. I'd be happy to have a wife that doesn't take bullshit like that (although I imagine it's a slightly double edged sword some times).
post #19 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 7:32 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread



I'd like to thank the carload of teenage girls who turned me into a dumba$$ - five to ten seconds at a time - while doing 70 MPH on Highway 50 a couple weeks ago.

Seriously, I wasn't flying the S.U.Y.T. flag . . . but thank you anyways.
post #20 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-24-2009, 11:14 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Hm my only near Oh shit was my first day riding a bike by myself. The only other bike I rode was my dads harley like 3 times. It was a streetfighter 92 ex 500. Almost hit a damn squirrel. And being the new on a bike a bump was scary. Let alone the steering was all ****ed up.
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post #21 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-25-2009, 1:03 AM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Holy shit what a good thread...and I don't even know where to start. Amazingly I haven't had ANY near misses or problems in many months. Freakin' insane really. I get a faster bike and have like a dozen less close calls than I ever had on my Ninja 500.

You know...to be COMPLETELY honest I have not had ONE close call on my current bike. I have had 3 quick stops which the bike performed beautifully thanks to the practice I had on my Ninja. 2 quick stop light stops with no drama where I just used the gradual to hard front brake technique with no back brake at all. I had one instance on one of my absolute favorite 55mph twisty local roads (so I was probably going 65 plus in reality but I truly never looked and rounded a 30mph corner to find a school bus stopped only 30 yards away. This was probably my quickest stop to date on my 600. It stopped like a CHAMP. Gradual braking to start then HEAVY front break which lifted the back a tad then the bike just STOPPED. Incredible. I don't blame anyone in these but myself in the school bus stop (I should have noted the time of day and adjusted speed accordingly...which I did everyday after the incident).

I have been VERY lucky this season with cagers and have not had one single real incident. I like to think it's because I have been riding very alert and smart but....yeah. I've just been lucky and slightly smart. I just hope this winter and next riding season go as well.

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post #22 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-26-2009, 8:56 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

I would like to thank the red fox that attempted to make a suicide dash right across the road in front of me. Seriously, thank you, it made me appreciate my braking practice and made me realize I probably should head back to the parking lot to practice some more.
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post #23 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-27-2009, 12:06 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by armycar01
I would like to thank the red fox that attempted to make a suicide dash right across the road in front of me. Seriously, thank you, it made me appreciate my braking practice and made me realize I probably should head back to the parking lot to practice some more.
Should of ran over him...and keep his tail as a trophy

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post #24 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-27-2009, 4:41 PM Thread Starter
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

Quote:
Originally Posted by armycar01
I would like to thank the red fox that attempted to make a suicide dash right across the road in front of me. Seriously, thank you, it made me appreciate my braking practice and made me realize I probably should head back to the parking lot to practice some more.
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post #25 of 405 (permalink) Old 10-28-2009, 2:13 PM
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Re: The Unofficial "Thank You, dumba$$" Thread

I would like to thank all the California drivers out there who find that using their turn signals is too much work. Really, I understand. Hitting the little bar that sticks out with your pinkie finger is a LOT of work. Why bother? It might distract you from your very important cell phone call.

Oh and while you are at it, feel free to move into the space I left for breaking distance. Why would I want more then 5 feet distance between your back bumper and my front tire?

I started riding on the California freeways this past weekend. Can you tell? Lucky for me I grew up on these freeways and knew what to expect. No close calls but lots of jerks.
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